IT’S OVER…IS IT ?

It’s 2013 and India goes for a 4-0 clean sweep in the Test Series against Australia…Indeed a glorious day for the country…Even I will call it a day when a 22 year old relationship came to a standstill…Twenty-two months back, we started off and counting each passing month equivalent to a glorious year, our relation-ship faced a turbulent storm making it difficult to sail further…People say “shit happens” but what if you willingly create such circumstances that makes this maxim a universal truth…Some might call me a fool axing my own foot, allowing the odds to take control of the situation…Some might call me a jerk who allowed that girl to say on my face, “I am moving out of this relationship..!!”

And I let it happen…

She was never the devil of the story…She never wanted to say what I forced her to admit…She never faked anything…Was true to me in all the aspects…What more could I expect from her than the fact that she loved me…

Still I let it happen…

It’s not the first time that we faced the storm…Every relationship goes through the trough…So nothing exceptional about this story…Even we had a blooming phase where everything looked so pink and red…But eventually the other colors began to mix in giving shades of grey and black…
Life is not a rainbow…I realized…

Yet I let it happen…

You can call me a culprit to let things slip out of the hand…Some might even accuse me of being a bloody dingbat to hurt that girl, play with her feelings and threaten the relationship without any reason…I shall happily take all the charges and be the devil,the monster,the bastard…Whatever you want to call me…

I shall still let it go like this…

What insight does it give you about my character..?

Stubborn..arrogant…selfish or cunning ?

I wish I knew more about myself…

Yes I am a confused guy who cannot take his decisions on his own…Right from ordering for a meal from the menu card to the point of choosing a mode of transport while traveling…It sends shiver to my decision making neurotic system…Be it choosing a career option or the acquaintances in my day to day life…It’s the same story every time…

I try to be calm and exhibit a nuance of sangfroid behavior but I fail…
She does not like this attribute of mine but she still loves me…
There are times when I am in a fix and in such a frenzy that I am not able to utter a single word and end up stuttering…It’s embarrassing but she never complained..

I come from a middle class Indian family…Know the importance of money and have seen my father toiling hard to take care of our family…So I prefer to travel via local transport, be it local train or a Non-Ac bus…But she desires to travel in an Audi…Even I aspire for the same but knowing my present account balance I shall realize this dream in future…But till now she had been willingly/unwillingly traveling with me in local buses…

Yes she has sacrificed and has sweated a lot because of me…And has loved me unconditionally…

Who would like to lose such a girl…?

I bet none, but as I said earlier I shall stick to it and confess that still I let it happen…

Till now it was a story of the devil and the angel…

But what makes me a devil ? Am I born twisted or off lately some DNA changes have taken shape in my body..? Perhaps what could be the possible reason behind the rift between us…

Was it because I never loved her, or did I find some other girl more interesting than her ?
Did I have a chain of never ending expectations from her or did I force her to
change against her wishes ?
Were the expectations unrealistic or time was a constraint ?
Didn’t I respect her or was I too proud of myself that she felt insulted ?
Weren’t there any futile attempts made from my side to keep this ship sailing or was I waiting for her to say, “It’s over..!!” ?
Above all…Was there any botheration like… Are “we” growing ?
I feel she knows the answer to this question…Does she?? See, I am again confused…
So I shall stop here..Take a deep breath and wait for you all to analyze the situation and
answer…Just imagine you were watching a movie and this was the plot…

Now bring out the Sherlock Homes instinct and answer the one and only question…

Why…?

May be you sail us through…!!

Peace on us.


By divasgupta   |   July 17, 2021


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